Real men and women

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6

I am no TV addict, but I won’t deny that it is a pastime that I do enjoy when I have the time. I recently stumbled across a reality programme on MTV which raised a number of questions in my mind, and left me feeling truly saddened at the world our teenagers live in, and have to survive!
The programme in question examines the lives of eight young cast members living and vacationing at various resorts along the Jersey Shore. In exchange for living and partying in the shore house, each member of the cast is required to work shifts at a local boardwalk t-shirt store. Failure to comply with the ground rules set by their boss, who owns the shore house in which the cast resides, results in termination and eviction from the shore house.What I found so disturbing is not the mindless content that we have become so used to in reality shows, but rather the message that this show communicates and portrays. While we know that, in many respects, this has become a truly hedonistic society, and this is exactly what the show portrays, what was most disconcerting and troubling for me was the way in which ‘real’ men and women are portrayed and defined in our modern society (if this show is anything to go by). Our television world is increasingly becoming a world of false ideals, with our teenagers being actively encouraged to practice such ideals. Our teenagers are exposed to role models who live life as if it is one big party – no rules, no consequences, no consideration for others. If this reality show is reflective of general society (which seems to be the case) then this modern society defines the real man by the number of conquests he has in a night. Promiscuity is worn like a badge of honour and loyalty and faithfulness in a romantic relationship is seen as a sign of weakness. In such a society, virginity is not honoured, nor respect given to a person who chooses a chaste life. Our ‘instant’ society seeks instant gratification, and will, it appears, forgo honour, trust and loyalty in exchange for a moment of self-gratification.

While we can debate whether the television world is indeed a reflection of the real world, the truth remains that our teenagers’ definition of the world is greatly influenced by what they see and hear in the media. This does not mean that we are fighting a losing battle however. Instead, it places a huge responsibility on teachers and parents to reinforce the true definition of being a man or a woman. I frequently ask myself the question: What example am I setting for the teenagers I interact with as a teacher? When it comes to the boys, I ask a more specific question: Am I showing them what a real man is? When we are mindful of what our teenagers are exposed to, we must sense the need to guide and advise each one of them.
For boys, we need to provide them with solid father-figures who show that being male is one thing, being a man is another, and being a gentleman is more. Indeed, as Edwin Cole in ‘Maximized Manhood’ (A book I would encourage every father and son to read) suggests, 'being male is a matter of birth, however being man is a matter of choice.' As such, Manhood and Christlikeness become synonymous, and the need for responsible male leadership is vital for our teenage boys, and needs to be evident in both the home and school.
My disillusionment at the media messages our young men are exposed to has, in some way, been tempered by the news I recently heard that Angus Buchan’s ‘Mighty Men’ Conference is set to attract a record 400 000 men, bearing in mind that there are only 300 000 people coming to the 2010 Soccer World Cup from outside South Africa. The conference, which aims to stimulate and promote spiritual growth and passion for Jesus in the lives of Christian men, has seen phenomenal growth in the past few years, and clearly highlights the need in so many men to find their righteous place in the world today. It is encouraging to see that more and more men are increasingly realising their God-calling to be true, faithful and honourable grandfathers, fathers, sons and grandsons. Edwin Cole defines the truest Christian as always being the finest gentleman. Sadly, the notion of being a gentleman has become muddled in recent times, however it is fair to say that 'it is not what men are born with, but what is reborn in them' that gives them the character and quality of real manhood.
So, what is a real man? I suppose a real man is one who takes responsibility for the choices he makes, and considers the consequences of his actions. He is accountable, faithful and honest. While he may not have tough hands, he will have a tough spirit which is prepared to endure hardships rather than seeking an excuse or a quick way out; a spirit which will not lie down defeated, but will rise to every challenge that is faced. A real man seeks solutions in peace, not violence, acts with restraint not with intemperance.
For the fathers and male teachers of our boys, I would ask the questions: What image are you portraying of manhood in your day to day life? Are you guiding him towards an understanding of the role of men in society, or are you leaving that job to the poor example set by so many of our modern day ‘role models’ and the subtle message of media which treats womanizing, promiscuity and unfaithfulness as the norm?
I would ask a similar question to the mothers of our girls: What image are you portraying of womanhood in day to day life, and are you guiding your daughter to a full appreciation of her role in society? It saddens me when I hear of young women who seek affirmation through promiscuity, who don’t celebrate their femininity, and can’t find strength within themselves. As real role models, the mothers and female teachers of our girls need to show that true womanhood is characterised by the qualities of strength, confidence and self-assuredness. A real woman finds her identity in herself, not in a man, she does not compromise on her morals and values in order to simply satisfy the desires of a man. A real woman possesses dignity and grace, even in adversity, and refuses to be seen or treated as an object of lust. Just as manhood is synonymous with Christlikeness, so our young women should find their guidance in the way of our mother, Mary, who sought to obey the will of God, was open to life’s opportunities and acted always with absolute humility and grace.
Let us be the role models of our children, let us define the true meaning of manhood and womanhood, rather than leave it to the false ideals and questionable morality of the world around us.