‘Teachers have the easiest jobs in the world! They finish work at 3pm every day, and they have all the school holidays!’ I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard this statement. Or, perhaps my favourite one – ‘Teachers teach because they don’t know how to do!’ Yes, these are the misguided perceptions of many people, including many parents who teach their children that teaching is a lowly profession and deserves no respect. Teaching remains one of the lowest paid professions that require a degree and/or postgraduate qualification. This, coupled with the dire state of education in our country, and the poor example set by some teachers, has seen the gradual decline of the status of teaching as a profession.
I find fewer and fewer school leavers wanting to enter the teaching profession, and if they are considering it, they are often talked out of it, sometimes even by teachers themselves! Unlike many Eastern countries where teachers are revered and occupy an elevated position in society, teachers in Western society, like most civil servants, do not enjoy the same levels of respect. Perhaps it is because we gauge the value and contribution of someone in society by the amount that they earn, or because our societal priorities are dysfunctionally inverted – we have lost sight of what is critically important for a sustainable and productive society. Whatever the case may be, the sad truth exists – teaching is a profession which is under-valued and little celebrated. I must caution from the outset that this is not a ‘pat on the back’ exercise, instead, I would like to remind you just how important teachers are, and to give you a glimpse into what teachers do besides teaching and marking. We are not perfect, and I acknowledge this fact, but we do the best that we can, and we have your children’s best interests at heart. We want to earn the respect of your children, but cannot expect to achieve this if there is a message coming from the home that says teachers and the teaching profession should not be respected.
What is a teacher? When I ask this question, I do not refer here to those who are teachers only in name. I am talking of teachers who are a credit to their profession, and live out the very essence of this calling. In my humble opinion, I would like to offer my thoughts on what the definition is of a true teacher. I hope for you, as parents, it will help you understand the noble calling that is teaching, and also inspire those teachers who read this, that it may serve to reinforce the amazing work you do, and inspire you to be even better teachers.
A real teacher...
...is a big brother/sister, guardian , counsellor, psychologist (we would be psychiatrists, but we’re not allowed prescribing medication!), First Aider, actor extraordinaire, guide, mentor, coach, entertainer, comedian, career counsellor. He/she is a shoulder to cry on, a confidante, taskmaster, mind reader, body language expert and a whole lot more...in a day!
...knows that learning doesn’t just happen in the curriculum, but looks for opportunities to teach on the sports field, on the playground, and at every opportunity where there exists the possibility to learn something new or reinforce something already learnt.
...sees teaching as a calling, not a job. He/she does not clock in or clock out, but gives of his/her time selflessly. There is no start time or end time for a teacher – he/she is always a teacher, even after hours!
...teaches gentleness in a violent world
...teaches true, unconditional love in a world where love has become warped and distorted
...teaches compassion and altruism in a world that says, “It’s every man for himself!”
...teaches self-control in a hedonistic society that says, “Do what your heart desires!”
...teaches humility in a world that says, “Look at me!”
...teaches patience in an ‘instant’ world
...teaches real peace, not peace that is achieved by dropping bombs on another country
...teaches the importance of fairness even though life can seem so unfair
...is a living example of values, morals and ethics that are in direct conflict with the actions of many of the world’s ‘role models’, and its political leaders
...sees the good in a child when everyone else can only see bad
...has a heart for those children who are least favoured in life – he/she will always back the underdog (that’s why most teachers support the Stormers!)
...sees your child as being just as unique as you see him/her
...disciplines your child out of love, not out of vindictiveness nor malice. He/she uses discipline to create boundaries because children love boundaries, and learn best when they are in an environment where they know what they are allowed to do, and what they are not allowed to do
...never stops learning, and wanting to be a better teacher, no matter how experienced he/she is
...has the humility and grace to teach some minds and intellects greater than his/her own
...is prepared to make a fool of him/herself if it means the class will understand and remember
...puts personal pain and heartache aside so as to deal with the pain and heartache of the children in his/her care
And at the end of the day, what does a teacher want? Not piles of end of year gifts (though there won’t be any complaints!) but rather the knowledge that his/her work has been appreciated. Those little notes, and those cards that just say “Thank You” are treasured long after you’ve forgotten you ever wrote them. It’s those “Thank you’s” that keep us motivated and strong. A real teacher says, “As long as I touched one life in my career, it was all worth it!”
So, next time you’re tempted to say, ‘Teachers have the easiest jobs in the world! They finish work at 3pm every day, and they have all the school holidays!’ or even, ‘Teachers teach because they don’t know how to do!’ especially if it’s in front of your children, remember these words, and spare a thought for the teacher who loves and cares for your child.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Advantages of Adversity
THE ADVANTAGES OF ADVERSITY
Dear parent
WALKING AWAY
It is eighteen years ago, almost to the day –
A sunny day with leaves just turning,
The touch-lines new-ruled – since I watched you play
Your first game of football, then, like a satellite
Wrenched from its orbit, go drifting away
Behind a scatter of pupils. I can see
You walking away from me towards the school
With the pathos of a half-fledged thing set free
Into a wilderness, the gait of one
Who finds no path where the path should be.
That hesitant figure, eddying away
Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem,
Has something I never quite grasp to convey
About nature’s give-and-take – the small, the scorching
Ordeals which fire one’s irresolute clay.
I have had worse partings, but none that so
Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly
Saying what God alone could perfectly show –
How selfhood begins with a walking away,
And love is proved in the letting go.
This year, I hope your child experiences the pain of failure!
Why would I make such a callous, seemingly uncaring statement? I make this statement because without failure, our children’s education is incomplete, and we certainly cannot then expect them to be well-rounded, confident problem solvers. As teachers and parents, we often regard children, including adolescents, as fragile human beings who must be cared for in an especially delicate manner. The truth is that children are far more resilient than we give them credit for. Indeed, many teenagers show remarkable recovery from major tragedies, setbacks and disappointments. They often cope better than adults in these situations. Despite this, when a child is faced with even the slightest difficulty, obstacle, or problem, the protective instinct in the parent kicks in, and there is an overwhelming urge to save the child from pain, and provide a quick fix solution that will bypass any pain. The first term of the year has seen a number of well-meaning parents desperately concerned with a ‘problem’ that has arisen with their child, and before allowing their child to deal with the problem, they immediately contact the school, demanding solutions, and expecting retributions. Similarly, in some disciplinary matters, parents will often stand in defence of their child, even though they are well aware of the fact that the child has done something wrong, and needs to face the consequences of his/her actions. While I cannot criticise a parent for wanting to love and care for the child, and while I must unequivocally state that I do not refer here to matters that will severely impact the physical and mental health of a child, I do need to say that problem solving is key to personal growth, and the development of authentic self-esteem. Sadly, however, many parents do not give their children sufficient latitude to learn from their mistakes, deal with the hardships that they face, or be held accountable for their actions. While it may seem, at the time, that you are doing the right thing by finding a solution for your child, you may in fact be doing your child a complete disservice.
I would ask you to consider the most meaningful lessons you have learnt in your life. Chances are that these lessons were learnt primarily through loss, disappointment or failure. As a parent then, are you providing your child with these learning opportunities, or are you preventing his/her growth because you are being too protective? As the poem above suggests, it is extremely difficult for a parent to ‘let go,’ yet this is an important act of love because by letting go, you give your child the freedom to find him or herself. By not ‘letting go’ you are indirectly saying that you do not believe he/she can cope with life’s challenges.
I am certainly not condoning an environment where there are no boundaries, and your teenager is given free rein to do as he/she pleases. Instead, I am saying that you need to empower you child. This empowerment does not come from you providing a quick fix solution, but rather by allowing him/her to master meaningful challenges and be accountable for his/her actions. By inviting a child to cope, rather than giving him/her the solution, we show our belief in that child, and build self-esteem. The key point here is that we (the school and you, as the parent) need to invest in your child’s emotional, spiritual and moral growth rather than merely solving the problems for him/her. Though this process will take a little longer, and will certainly be painful at times, the benefit is greater because we are developing coping mechanisms and self-belief in the child. In this light, you will understand what I mean when I say, “Let us prepare the child for the path, rather than the path for the child.”
Dear parent
WALKING AWAY
It is eighteen years ago, almost to the day –
A sunny day with leaves just turning,
The touch-lines new-ruled – since I watched you play
Your first game of football, then, like a satellite
Wrenched from its orbit, go drifting away
Behind a scatter of pupils. I can see
You walking away from me towards the school
With the pathos of a half-fledged thing set free
Into a wilderness, the gait of one
Who finds no path where the path should be.
That hesitant figure, eddying away
Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem,
Has something I never quite grasp to convey
About nature’s give-and-take – the small, the scorching
Ordeals which fire one’s irresolute clay.
I have had worse partings, but none that so
Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly
Saying what God alone could perfectly show –
How selfhood begins with a walking away,
And love is proved in the letting go.
This year, I hope your child experiences the pain of failure!
Why would I make such a callous, seemingly uncaring statement? I make this statement because without failure, our children’s education is incomplete, and we certainly cannot then expect them to be well-rounded, confident problem solvers. As teachers and parents, we often regard children, including adolescents, as fragile human beings who must be cared for in an especially delicate manner. The truth is that children are far more resilient than we give them credit for. Indeed, many teenagers show remarkable recovery from major tragedies, setbacks and disappointments. They often cope better than adults in these situations. Despite this, when a child is faced with even the slightest difficulty, obstacle, or problem, the protective instinct in the parent kicks in, and there is an overwhelming urge to save the child from pain, and provide a quick fix solution that will bypass any pain. The first term of the year has seen a number of well-meaning parents desperately concerned with a ‘problem’ that has arisen with their child, and before allowing their child to deal with the problem, they immediately contact the school, demanding solutions, and expecting retributions. Similarly, in some disciplinary matters, parents will often stand in defence of their child, even though they are well aware of the fact that the child has done something wrong, and needs to face the consequences of his/her actions. While I cannot criticise a parent for wanting to love and care for the child, and while I must unequivocally state that I do not refer here to matters that will severely impact the physical and mental health of a child, I do need to say that problem solving is key to personal growth, and the development of authentic self-esteem. Sadly, however, many parents do not give their children sufficient latitude to learn from their mistakes, deal with the hardships that they face, or be held accountable for their actions. While it may seem, at the time, that you are doing the right thing by finding a solution for your child, you may in fact be doing your child a complete disservice.
I would ask you to consider the most meaningful lessons you have learnt in your life. Chances are that these lessons were learnt primarily through loss, disappointment or failure. As a parent then, are you providing your child with these learning opportunities, or are you preventing his/her growth because you are being too protective? As the poem above suggests, it is extremely difficult for a parent to ‘let go,’ yet this is an important act of love because by letting go, you give your child the freedom to find him or herself. By not ‘letting go’ you are indirectly saying that you do not believe he/she can cope with life’s challenges.
I am certainly not condoning an environment where there are no boundaries, and your teenager is given free rein to do as he/she pleases. Instead, I am saying that you need to empower you child. This empowerment does not come from you providing a quick fix solution, but rather by allowing him/her to master meaningful challenges and be accountable for his/her actions. By inviting a child to cope, rather than giving him/her the solution, we show our belief in that child, and build self-esteem. The key point here is that we (the school and you, as the parent) need to invest in your child’s emotional, spiritual and moral growth rather than merely solving the problems for him/her. Though this process will take a little longer, and will certainly be painful at times, the benefit is greater because we are developing coping mechanisms and self-belief in the child. In this light, you will understand what I mean when I say, “Let us prepare the child for the path, rather than the path for the child.”
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Toxic Mix
Having recently attended a talk by Graeme Bloch, as well as reading his book, ‘The Toxic Mix’, this topic has become all the more real for me. I would encourage you, as parents, to read this book, which takes a careful look at the state of education in South Africa. It certainly delivers a strong dose of reality, and makes one appreciate the challenge that lies ahead.
I thought I would include some of the statistics which offer a stark portrayal of the situation in our country. Here are some facts which you may find interesting:
45% of university students drop out before completing their studies. This is even higher at Universities of Technology, where the drop-out rate is 66%.
10% of white matriculants achieve ‘A’ aggregates, as opposed to 0.1% of blacks who achieve ‘A’ aggregates.
It is estimated that only 52 out of 100 learners start at Grade 1 and make it to Grade 12.
Of children with at least one parent who has attained less than Grade 10, only 30% gain matric.
This rises to 56% where one parent has Grade 10 or 11, 74% where a parent has matriculated, and
84% if a parent has a degree.
17% of schools have no access to electricity
79% of schools have no library facilities
60% of secondary schools have no laboratory facilities
68% of schools have no computers
31% of schools depend for their water supply on borehole or rain water
South Africa spends more (as a percentage of GDP) on school education than any other African country, and yet appears to demonstrate the worst return on investment, especially when considering the following results of tests conducted:
Grade 3 Systemic Evaluation (released in 2003) – 51 000 learners were tested in 3 assessment tasks. Average score of 30% for the Maths task, 54% was the literacy average, and 39% for reading and writing.
National Grade 6 testing (released in 2005) – 34 015 learners were tested in language, maths and natural sciences. 35% mean score for language, 27% for maths and 41% for natural sciences. Only 28% of Grade 6 learners reached the ‘achieved’ level or higher, with 81% scoring at the ‘not achieved’ level – this means that only about 1 in 10 learners was at the standard required by the National Curriculum Statement! The 2008 results do not show statistically significant improvements.
The Monitoring Learning Achievement study of 1999, designed by UNESCO and UNICEF took samples of Grade 4 learners in a number of countries. South Africa was rock bottom in numeracy, with a score of 30% compared to Tunisia’s 60%. Literacy was at 48% - short of Tunisia’s 78% and Mauritius’ 61%.
TIMMS was conducted by the HSRC to a sample of Grade 8 learners. With an international average score of 467 for maths and 474 for science, South African learners achieved 264 and 244 respectively. Black schools had a mean of 227, and formerly white schools a mean of 456 (Still below the international average!)
Far from being a ‘doom-and-gloom’ exercise, what becomes clear is that blame cannot rest on one, nor can success. Successful education requires the dedication and commitment of all role players, from government to the classroom. While change might be slow in the higher rungs of government, change can start now, in the classroom and in the home through the continual promotion and affirmation of the benefits of hard work, realistic goals and high personal standards. In addition, let us be mindful of our privileged position, and make the most of the opportunities afforded us, opportunities which are inaccessible to many, if not most, South Africans.
I thought I would include some of the statistics which offer a stark portrayal of the situation in our country. Here are some facts which you may find interesting:
45% of university students drop out before completing their studies. This is even higher at Universities of Technology, where the drop-out rate is 66%.
10% of white matriculants achieve ‘A’ aggregates, as opposed to 0.1% of blacks who achieve ‘A’ aggregates.
It is estimated that only 52 out of 100 learners start at Grade 1 and make it to Grade 12.
Of children with at least one parent who has attained less than Grade 10, only 30% gain matric.
This rises to 56% where one parent has Grade 10 or 11, 74% where a parent has matriculated, and
84% if a parent has a degree.
17% of schools have no access to electricity
79% of schools have no library facilities
60% of secondary schools have no laboratory facilities
68% of schools have no computers
31% of schools depend for their water supply on borehole or rain water
South Africa spends more (as a percentage of GDP) on school education than any other African country, and yet appears to demonstrate the worst return on investment, especially when considering the following results of tests conducted:
Grade 3 Systemic Evaluation (released in 2003) – 51 000 learners were tested in 3 assessment tasks. Average score of 30% for the Maths task, 54% was the literacy average, and 39% for reading and writing.
National Grade 6 testing (released in 2005) – 34 015 learners were tested in language, maths and natural sciences. 35% mean score for language, 27% for maths and 41% for natural sciences. Only 28% of Grade 6 learners reached the ‘achieved’ level or higher, with 81% scoring at the ‘not achieved’ level – this means that only about 1 in 10 learners was at the standard required by the National Curriculum Statement! The 2008 results do not show statistically significant improvements.
The Monitoring Learning Achievement study of 1999, designed by UNESCO and UNICEF took samples of Grade 4 learners in a number of countries. South Africa was rock bottom in numeracy, with a score of 30% compared to Tunisia’s 60%. Literacy was at 48% - short of Tunisia’s 78% and Mauritius’ 61%.
TIMMS was conducted by the HSRC to a sample of Grade 8 learners. With an international average score of 467 for maths and 474 for science, South African learners achieved 264 and 244 respectively. Black schools had a mean of 227, and formerly white schools a mean of 456 (Still below the international average!)
Far from being a ‘doom-and-gloom’ exercise, what becomes clear is that blame cannot rest on one, nor can success. Successful education requires the dedication and commitment of all role players, from government to the classroom. While change might be slow in the higher rungs of government, change can start now, in the classroom and in the home through the continual promotion and affirmation of the benefits of hard work, realistic goals and high personal standards. In addition, let us be mindful of our privileged position, and make the most of the opportunities afforded us, opportunities which are inaccessible to many, if not most, South Africans.
Real men and women
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6
I am no TV addict, but I won’t deny that it is a pastime that I do enjoy when I have the time. I recently stumbled across a reality programme on MTV which raised a number of questions in my mind, and left me feeling truly saddened at the world our teenagers live in, and have to survive!
The programme in question examines the lives of eight young cast members living and vacationing at various resorts along the Jersey Shore. In exchange for living and partying in the shore house, each member of the cast is required to work shifts at a local boardwalk t-shirt store. Failure to comply with the ground rules set by their boss, who owns the shore house in which the cast resides, results in termination and eviction from the shore house.What I found so disturbing is not the mindless content that we have become so used to in reality shows, but rather the message that this show communicates and portrays. While we know that, in many respects, this has become a truly hedonistic society, and this is exactly what the show portrays, what was most disconcerting and troubling for me was the way in which ‘real’ men and women are portrayed and defined in our modern society (if this show is anything to go by). Our television world is increasingly becoming a world of false ideals, with our teenagers being actively encouraged to practice such ideals. Our teenagers are exposed to role models who live life as if it is one big party – no rules, no consequences, no consideration for others. If this reality show is reflective of general society (which seems to be the case) then this modern society defines the real man by the number of conquests he has in a night. Promiscuity is worn like a badge of honour and loyalty and faithfulness in a romantic relationship is seen as a sign of weakness. In such a society, virginity is not honoured, nor respect given to a person who chooses a chaste life. Our ‘instant’ society seeks instant gratification, and will, it appears, forgo honour, trust and loyalty in exchange for a moment of self-gratification.
While we can debate whether the television world is indeed a reflection of the real world, the truth remains that our teenagers’ definition of the world is greatly influenced by what they see and hear in the media. This does not mean that we are fighting a losing battle however. Instead, it places a huge responsibility on teachers and parents to reinforce the true definition of being a man or a woman. I frequently ask myself the question: What example am I setting for the teenagers I interact with as a teacher? When it comes to the boys, I ask a more specific question: Am I showing them what a real man is? When we are mindful of what our teenagers are exposed to, we must sense the need to guide and advise each one of them.
For boys, we need to provide them with solid father-figures who show that being male is one thing, being a man is another, and being a gentleman is more. Indeed, as Edwin Cole in ‘Maximized Manhood’ (A book I would encourage every father and son to read) suggests, 'being male is a matter of birth, however being man is a matter of choice.' As such, Manhood and Christlikeness become synonymous, and the need for responsible male leadership is vital for our teenage boys, and needs to be evident in both the home and school.
My disillusionment at the media messages our young men are exposed to has, in some way, been tempered by the news I recently heard that Angus Buchan’s ‘Mighty Men’ Conference is set to attract a record 400 000 men, bearing in mind that there are only 300 000 people coming to the 2010 Soccer World Cup from outside South Africa. The conference, which aims to stimulate and promote spiritual growth and passion for Jesus in the lives of Christian men, has seen phenomenal growth in the past few years, and clearly highlights the need in so many men to find their righteous place in the world today. It is encouraging to see that more and more men are increasingly realising their God-calling to be true, faithful and honourable grandfathers, fathers, sons and grandsons. Edwin Cole defines the truest Christian as always being the finest gentleman. Sadly, the notion of being a gentleman has become muddled in recent times, however it is fair to say that 'it is not what men are born with, but what is reborn in them' that gives them the character and quality of real manhood.
So, what is a real man? I suppose a real man is one who takes responsibility for the choices he makes, and considers the consequences of his actions. He is accountable, faithful and honest. While he may not have tough hands, he will have a tough spirit which is prepared to endure hardships rather than seeking an excuse or a quick way out; a spirit which will not lie down defeated, but will rise to every challenge that is faced. A real man seeks solutions in peace, not violence, acts with restraint not with intemperance.
For the fathers and male teachers of our boys, I would ask the questions: What image are you portraying of manhood in your day to day life? Are you guiding him towards an understanding of the role of men in society, or are you leaving that job to the poor example set by so many of our modern day ‘role models’ and the subtle message of media which treats womanizing, promiscuity and unfaithfulness as the norm?
I would ask a similar question to the mothers of our girls: What image are you portraying of womanhood in day to day life, and are you guiding your daughter to a full appreciation of her role in society? It saddens me when I hear of young women who seek affirmation through promiscuity, who don’t celebrate their femininity, and can’t find strength within themselves. As real role models, the mothers and female teachers of our girls need to show that true womanhood is characterised by the qualities of strength, confidence and self-assuredness. A real woman finds her identity in herself, not in a man, she does not compromise on her morals and values in order to simply satisfy the desires of a man. A real woman possesses dignity and grace, even in adversity, and refuses to be seen or treated as an object of lust. Just as manhood is synonymous with Christlikeness, so our young women should find their guidance in the way of our mother, Mary, who sought to obey the will of God, was open to life’s opportunities and acted always with absolute humility and grace.
Let us be the role models of our children, let us define the true meaning of manhood and womanhood, rather than leave it to the false ideals and questionable morality of the world around us.
Proverbs 22:6
I am no TV addict, but I won’t deny that it is a pastime that I do enjoy when I have the time. I recently stumbled across a reality programme on MTV which raised a number of questions in my mind, and left me feeling truly saddened at the world our teenagers live in, and have to survive!
The programme in question examines the lives of eight young cast members living and vacationing at various resorts along the Jersey Shore. In exchange for living and partying in the shore house, each member of the cast is required to work shifts at a local boardwalk t-shirt store. Failure to comply with the ground rules set by their boss, who owns the shore house in which the cast resides, results in termination and eviction from the shore house.What I found so disturbing is not the mindless content that we have become so used to in reality shows, but rather the message that this show communicates and portrays. While we know that, in many respects, this has become a truly hedonistic society, and this is exactly what the show portrays, what was most disconcerting and troubling for me was the way in which ‘real’ men and women are portrayed and defined in our modern society (if this show is anything to go by). Our television world is increasingly becoming a world of false ideals, with our teenagers being actively encouraged to practice such ideals. Our teenagers are exposed to role models who live life as if it is one big party – no rules, no consequences, no consideration for others. If this reality show is reflective of general society (which seems to be the case) then this modern society defines the real man by the number of conquests he has in a night. Promiscuity is worn like a badge of honour and loyalty and faithfulness in a romantic relationship is seen as a sign of weakness. In such a society, virginity is not honoured, nor respect given to a person who chooses a chaste life. Our ‘instant’ society seeks instant gratification, and will, it appears, forgo honour, trust and loyalty in exchange for a moment of self-gratification.
While we can debate whether the television world is indeed a reflection of the real world, the truth remains that our teenagers’ definition of the world is greatly influenced by what they see and hear in the media. This does not mean that we are fighting a losing battle however. Instead, it places a huge responsibility on teachers and parents to reinforce the true definition of being a man or a woman. I frequently ask myself the question: What example am I setting for the teenagers I interact with as a teacher? When it comes to the boys, I ask a more specific question: Am I showing them what a real man is? When we are mindful of what our teenagers are exposed to, we must sense the need to guide and advise each one of them.
For boys, we need to provide them with solid father-figures who show that being male is one thing, being a man is another, and being a gentleman is more. Indeed, as Edwin Cole in ‘Maximized Manhood’ (A book I would encourage every father and son to read) suggests, 'being male is a matter of birth, however being man is a matter of choice.' As such, Manhood and Christlikeness become synonymous, and the need for responsible male leadership is vital for our teenage boys, and needs to be evident in both the home and school.
My disillusionment at the media messages our young men are exposed to has, in some way, been tempered by the news I recently heard that Angus Buchan’s ‘Mighty Men’ Conference is set to attract a record 400 000 men, bearing in mind that there are only 300 000 people coming to the 2010 Soccer World Cup from outside South Africa. The conference, which aims to stimulate and promote spiritual growth and passion for Jesus in the lives of Christian men, has seen phenomenal growth in the past few years, and clearly highlights the need in so many men to find their righteous place in the world today. It is encouraging to see that more and more men are increasingly realising their God-calling to be true, faithful and honourable grandfathers, fathers, sons and grandsons. Edwin Cole defines the truest Christian as always being the finest gentleman. Sadly, the notion of being a gentleman has become muddled in recent times, however it is fair to say that 'it is not what men are born with, but what is reborn in them' that gives them the character and quality of real manhood.
So, what is a real man? I suppose a real man is one who takes responsibility for the choices he makes, and considers the consequences of his actions. He is accountable, faithful and honest. While he may not have tough hands, he will have a tough spirit which is prepared to endure hardships rather than seeking an excuse or a quick way out; a spirit which will not lie down defeated, but will rise to every challenge that is faced. A real man seeks solutions in peace, not violence, acts with restraint not with intemperance.
For the fathers and male teachers of our boys, I would ask the questions: What image are you portraying of manhood in your day to day life? Are you guiding him towards an understanding of the role of men in society, or are you leaving that job to the poor example set by so many of our modern day ‘role models’ and the subtle message of media which treats womanizing, promiscuity and unfaithfulness as the norm?
I would ask a similar question to the mothers of our girls: What image are you portraying of womanhood in day to day life, and are you guiding your daughter to a full appreciation of her role in society? It saddens me when I hear of young women who seek affirmation through promiscuity, who don’t celebrate their femininity, and can’t find strength within themselves. As real role models, the mothers and female teachers of our girls need to show that true womanhood is characterised by the qualities of strength, confidence and self-assuredness. A real woman finds her identity in herself, not in a man, she does not compromise on her morals and values in order to simply satisfy the desires of a man. A real woman possesses dignity and grace, even in adversity, and refuses to be seen or treated as an object of lust. Just as manhood is synonymous with Christlikeness, so our young women should find their guidance in the way of our mother, Mary, who sought to obey the will of God, was open to life’s opportunities and acted always with absolute humility and grace.
Let us be the role models of our children, let us define the true meaning of manhood and womanhood, rather than leave it to the false ideals and questionable morality of the world around us.
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